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:: (SHE)lves

I have written enough unsent letters to fill enough books to span a century. They stay within the confines of my ruled journal. They flourish on scrapes of unlined paper stuffed in the crevices of any dark hiding spot. They even take shape, in a virtual space, on my phone.

They range in l e n g t h.



To whom they are addressed.

It all varies.

However, these notes have one common theme: the shelving of my thoughts / emotions. Some shelves are fuller than others, while other shelves have a sprinkling of some of my deepest or most shallow thoughts. Needless to say, the way my thoughts / emotions are shelved, so are the people I write about within them.

It is how I've always lived my life. It is innate. I do it without thinking because it is second nature at this point. I find a mold and place accordingly. If there isn't a mold, I'll create a new one or make what I have work. Not the best way, but a way, nonetheless. These molds, like everything else, vary in size and importance. Some molds FIT beautifully into my life. Others, not so much. I have forced a mold or two to fit and in every instance I shattered ME to make room for it / them. After cutting myself with my own shards, trying to piece me back together, is usually when I realize that NOT everything, or everyone, is always meant to be in your life.

So, then I clean house. I re-organize. I re-shelve the pieces and molds that, either no longer fit or have never fit. I put them where they have always belonged, even though, I longed to have them fit where there was no room. I finally see what I chose to not SEE is exactly what is worse for me. God intended MORE for me. Now I do too.

No longer.

Will I FORCE anything. Anyone.

NO. Longer.

Be it in arm's length or out of reach, I put what DOES NOT FIT on a DIFFERENT shelf. That is it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

As Alicia Keys sung in her song, Lesson Learned, “It’s called a past, ‘cause I’m getting pass and I ain’t nothing like I was before. You ought to see ME NOW.”

Lesson… LEARNED.

My journey to peace and happiness is a mosaic. Crafted slowly, but wonderfully, for me, by me, it is grand and pieces of all of the BEST and RIGHT things for me. It is all that is GOOD. It is all that is that makes me. It is MY masterpiece and there isn't room for anything or anyone that doesn't add more sunshine to this wonderful life of mine.

Those will be the ONLY shelves I pull from now: shelves of SUNSHINE.

:: Post Rationalizing(s)

“You stop attracting certain people when you heal the parts of you that once needed them.”

— Anonymous —

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